the Middle Wife story - funny way to interprete delivery process ^_^

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous second grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one
I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
So I always have a few sessions with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.
If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant.

'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there.
He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.
'She's standing there with her hands on the pillow,
and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.

The kids are watching her in amazement.'
Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,
'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.
'She walked around the house for, like an hour,
'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)'

My Dad called the middle wife.
She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man.
They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.'
(Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop!

My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty,
and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'
(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)'

Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.
He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.

When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.
'Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest..
Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day,
I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs.. I know what I did!!!
Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

Labels: Humour, pregnancy

Havent been blogging for few days... got some happy news and bad news to share...

Bad things first...
got a fren's(Ravi) brother passed away suddenly due to heart attack on Friday nite... We went to his wake today before he was sent for cremation... before tat, i call Viki for help.. this is first indian wake we are going so we dunno if they collect "bai jin" or not... Consulted Viki & Gopal that normally they will buy flowers(chrysanthemun) or put money in white envelope... but when we reached there, seems like no one brought flowers or gv contribution.. so eventually we only passed the flowers to be placed in front of the casket... he passed on at Only age 41, leaving his wife alone.. His wife was crying non stop and wasnt drinking at all these two days.... haiz... life is so fragile...

okok.. tok abt happy things now...
Today 20092009 is 2 frens' ROM ceremony... I wish them happy & blissful marriage..

the more exciting thing is...................................................................................

Labels: Marriage, pregnancy

This seems to be a clearer chart...


http://pregnancy.about.com/od/boyorgirl/l/blchinesegenderchart.htm


Ancient Chinese Gender Chart
Girl or boy?
Legend has it that this chart was found in an ancient tomb in China and is supposedly based on the Chinese lunar calendar. By using the mother's age at conception and the month of conception, supposedly you can determine with 100% accuracy if your baby is a boy or a girl.

Labels: pregnancy

http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/genderpredictor/



Found this website by accident... Pretty cool to find ang mohs to use chinese calendar to predict baby's gender...


The accuracy of the chart has been proved by thousands of People and is believed to be 99 percent accurate. Believe it or not.

WOMAN'S CONCEIVING AGE

AGE 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

MONTH1819202122232425262728293031

1G BGBGBBGBGBGBB
2BGBGBBGBGBGBGG
3GBGGBGBBBGBGGB
4BGBGGBBGGBGGGG
5BGBGBBGGGGGBGG
6BBBGGGBBBGGBGG
7BBBGGBBGGBBBGG
8BBBGBGGBBBBBGG
9BBBGGBGBGBBBGG
10BBGGGBGBGBBGGG
11BGBGGBGBGGGGBG
12BGBGGGGBGBGGBB

AGE 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45

MONTH3233343536373839404142434445

1BGBBGBGBGBGBBG
2GBGBBGBGBGBGBB
3BBBGBBGBGBGBGB
4GBGBGBBBBGBGBG
5GGGGBGBBGBGBBG
6GGGGGBGGBGBGBG
7GGGGGGBGBBGBGB
8GBGBGBGBGBBGBG
9GGGGBGBGBGBBGB
10GGGGBBGBGBGBBG
11GGBBBGBGBGBBGB
12BBBBBBGGGBGBGB

EXPLANATION>>You can choose for yourself whether you want a boy or a girl by following the chart. The woman's age from 18 to 45 (Chinese reckoning) is on the top line while the months Jan to Dec indicate the month when the baby is conceived. By following the chart you will be able to tell in advance whether your baby will be a boy or a girl. Thus, you can plan to have a boy or a girl. This chart has been taken from a Royal tomb near Peking, China. The original copy is kept in the institute of Science of Peking. The accuracy of the chart has been proved by thousands of People and is believed to be 99 percent accurate. By reckoning, you follow a line drawn from the figure representing the woman's age to a line drawn from the month the baby is conceived. For instance, if the woman is 27 years old and her baby is conceived in Month 1 (according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar), then her baby will be a girl. The chart is based on the month the baby is conceived and not on the birth of the baby, B-Male, G-Female.

Labels: pregnancy

Back in office day 2... Monday i was on mc... Vomiting the whole of Sunday... Tat happened again last nite... End up Thidar and Winfield got to clean up the basin i mess up in the toilet... Wanna sleep early but end up rolling around till late...

Now in the office cos Winfield got to go Batam today... Super tired... Still trying to get back my energy and strength for work... This holiday didnt recharge me at all, end up drain me from my energy... Hope to recover from this LS & vomiting soon...

Labels: pregnancy

OMG... My fren is going to become a mother in end nov/early dec.... Tis is a secret ok??? Cos her parents still dunno yet... So dun ask me which fren... Seleneh, i know even if i write this, you will still ask me... The answer is still no... Anyway juz wanna say best of luck to you, my fren... Jia you...

Labels: Friends, pregnancy

name BoLsTeR bEaR
DoB 23rd Nov

Good Health

Happiness

Holidays every year

♥Big Bear
♥Small Bear
♥Flyweight Bear
♥DocZac
♥Cindy
♥Jeff-San
♥Being Five
♥WED
♥ENTER

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